Judith Elkan - funeral eulogy given by Chani Smith (co-founder and former Hon. Secretary of FBFF). 

Judy was my very dear friend for 44 years. We got very close through our involvement with the UK Friends of the Bereaved Families Forum (FBFF), a charity that Judy founded and to which she devoted the last twenty years of her life.  I was asked to speak about Judy in her role as Chair of FBFF. For those who might not be familiar with this wonderful organisation, I will say a few words.

The Bereaved Families Forum is a joint Israeli-Palestinian group of over 600 families who all lost an immediate family member because of the ongoing conflict. Established in 1995, it works to promote dialogue and reconciliation between Palestinians and Israelis, as a necessary step to achieving lasting peace. They bring together groups from across the divide, be it educators, farmers, health workers, artists, aspiring politicians, or grandmothers, to name just a few. During the encounters they share narratives, see the human face of the ‘other’, recognise the deep pain caused by the conflict to both sides, and build bridges of empathy and understanding. They also initiate many innovative projects, using art, films, and poetry to spread their vision though the media, as well as thousands of face-to-face workshops. The pain at the core of all these encounters have been used as a force for good. The message is that this conflict will not end until ordinary Israelis and Palestinians meet and reconcile with each other.

Judy met one of the Forum members and was moved to do something. At about the same time I also heard about the Bereaved Families Forum. With the support of Rabbi Jonathan Wittenberg and Ronnie Cohen, we established a UK charity to support their efforts.

We had no experience in raising funds, so decided to concentrate on raising awareness of the work of the Forum with the hope that money would follow. Our first event was a concert where Arab, Israeli and British Musicians played and sang music from the various cultures. Judy suggested we call it “Opening Hearts”. We printed brochures and gave thought to finding the right music and poetry for the event. Two of our early patrons, Wissam Boustani, the renowned Lebanese flautist of Palestinian descent, and the actress Juliet Stevenson participated, and two singers, an Egyptian and an Israeli sang duets in Arabic, Hebrew and Yiddish. The hall was full, and the money followed. To date, FBFF has raised well over 1 million pounds.

Our priority was to reach out to the Palestinian community in the UK. Here is a typical Judy story from those early days: I got a phone call from Judy one Sunday morning, telling me that the leadership of the UK Palestinian community were meeting that afternoon in a Cricket Club somewhere South of Twickenham, for a Farewell party to Afif Safieh, the outgoing Palestinian ambassador to the UK. “It’s going to be an open party to anyone who wants to come. What do you say?” Judy asked. “Shall we go and meet people?” “Sure” I said. And so, with many concert brochures under our arms, we drove there and just went in. Judy knew one or two people from other dialogue groups, who were surprised to see us, two Israeli women who came to talk about bringing the message of reconciliation to the UK. (And she spoke Arabic.) Possibly they were amused by her chutzpah which was laced with humour and warmth!

There was growing tension and animosity, then as now, between Muslim pro-Arab students, and Jewish Pro-Israeli students. Mentioning the word ‘Israel’ in a mosque aroused suspicion and mistrust. Likewise, talking about ‘Palestine’ or Palestinians in a synagogue would elicit a similar response.

So, at that Palestinian party, Judy used all her inimitable charm and spontaneity to reach out to some prominent Palestinians for support. Some important relationships with Palestinians started there.

Judy naturally connected and inspired. One day, while visiting Kenwood House, on Hampstead Health, she happened to bump into Juliet Stevenson whom she admired as an actress and as a person. Awe-struck, but not daunted, she introduced herself and they got chatting. By the end of the chat, Juliet became a patron of our organization. Similarly, when she met Rowan Williams, then the Archbishop of Canterbury in a poetry and psychology seminar they both attended, she approached him to tell him about FBFF. I think it was at a lunch queue. By the end of that conversation, he, too, became our patron and a staunch supporter. She earned the trust, love and respect of so many extraordinary people, because she was extraordinary herself, in a quiet, modest way. To get to know Judy was to get to love her.

A great deal of the activities organized here in the UK consisted of bringing together a Palestinian and an Israeli member of the Forum to speak at churches, mosques and synagogues, meeting students and top politicians and spreading the message through many interviews on the BBC and ITN. Finding the right language to use to bring people on board was not always easy. For example, we often encountered antisemitic and anti-Israel bias and had to point out to journalists that the conflict is not between Jews and Arabs but between Israelis and Palestinians. Similarly gaining the trust of the Muslim community required patience and sensitivity. Patience and sensitivity. Judy was brilliant at both.

The co-operation between Jews and Arabs on the FBFF committee was not always smooth but she stuck to the vision and persisted with the work.